


Death of a Moustache: A Tragedy

by dragonaderp



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mustaches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonaderp/pseuds/dragonaderp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock comes back from the dead, with terrible consequences for John.<br/>It's not what you think. At least, I hope it isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death of a Moustache: A Tragedy

Sherlock enters the restaurant, looking upset. He stares at his best friend across the room, one John Hamish Watson, sitting at a table waiting for his wife who will not arrive tonight. Sherlock moves closer, not so much that he will be discovered, but so that he can inspect the abomination. Yes, for that is what John's moustache is. Nothing short of evil, a testimony of how far John's fallen since Sherlock's, er, fall.  
Taking a deep breath, he approaches the table, sitting down while the shorter of the two is looking at his watch. When he sees who he thought was his late best friend, John pales, all of him, all except that hidious indignity of facial hair. Sherlock shudders involuntarily.  
"You're alive?! I-I saw you jump! You died!" John stutters from underneath the creature.  
"Yes, yes, whatever." he brushes off his babbling like so much shorn hair. "That is unimportant."  
"Unimp-are you serious?!" he practically shouts furiously, ruffling the gritty locks on his upper lip.  
"Always. I decided enough was enough, that I needed to return to you."  
"Oh really? And why was that?"  
"I thought it would be rather obvious, really. Have you grown idiotic in my absence?"  
"What the HELL are you on about?" he did shout this time, not caring that everyone in the building had probably heard him, and were all probably staring at his mousta-at him right then.  
"Your facial hair, John. I believe it would be a cruelty to let you live like this, so I came back. I'm here to save you again."  
"Sherlock, I don't know what you did while you were away, but acquiring severe head trauma was likely part of it."  
"John, you don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation-" he said, beginning to remove a razor from his pocket discretely.  
"-the _gravity_  of the situation? You've come back to bloody life!" he fumed, not paying attention to the fact that Sherlock was getting closer. "You come back here, after THREE years, saying it's not important that you're not dead, instead complaining about my moust-" He is cut off as the detective lunges at him with the razor brandished, aiming for his face. "What the BLOODY FUCK?!" he cries out as he is pushed off the chair, landing on the floor with the detective on top of him, both fighting for control of the razor.  
"Just. Stop. Struggling!" Sherlock grits out before grabbing both of John's hands in one of his, and precisely shaving his entire upper lip clean. "YES!" he shouts with glee, shooting to his feet.  
"You...you...it's gone...you monster!" John shouted from the floor, touching his now hairless face.  
"Don't be like that John, I did you a favour." he smirked, helping the man up.  
"Oh yeah? The I guess you won't mind me shaving off your hair in return, as a _favour_ , will you?" he asks, stealthily grabbing the blade from his friend's hand.  
Backing away slowly, Sherlock has his hands in front of him. "Now now, John, let''s not be unreasonable..." he stutters.  
"Unreasonable? Un-FUCKING-reasonable? I'll show you unreasonable! You'll be bloody bald by the time I'm through with you!" he shouts as he chases after Sherlock who has run off, holding his hands over his head.  
Left forgotten on the ground is the mustache, a creature of hell, who preyed on Dr. Watson. It slowly curls up, giving one last breath before dying. Thanks to Sherlock Holmes, it will not claim another victim.


End file.
